Giving a Funeral or Memorial Tribute

This guideline is intended to assist anyone who is asked to give a remembrance or tribute for a deceased at a funeral or memorial service. The first and foremost thing to remember before presenting your tribute is to be sensitive to the tone set by the funeral service. For example, you don't want to present a tribute that is full of jokes when the overall tone of the service may be more structured or formal in nature. Furthermore, particular denominations may have guidelines of their own and even suggestions on how best to go about this, so you may want to find that out as well, should any exist.

The following items note some important things you may want to consider that will help you in presenting a funeral tribute that is appropriate, yet memorable:

1. Be aware of your own limitations. While it is considered to be an honor to be asked to give and present a tribute, you may decline. Don't feel like you need to say yes to the bereaved family members if it is beyond your limitations as a speaker or even emotional level. If you find the task to be too difficult or emotional, they will understand.

2. Its a good idea to draft notes when giving the presentation. Whether it is detailed notes of your funeral speech or bulleted items, having notes at the podium or in hand is perfectly acceptable. Don't feel you need to do anything by memory or spontaneously.

3. If the person was active in a particular faith or denomination, feel free to speak of their involvement in the church, express their faith and how it affected others. Faith is the extension of a person and can make up who the person was deep inside.

4. It is best not to idolize the deceased. This is why choosing your words carefully is important. No human is perfect and although you may want to share many positive aspects of him or her, it can be done in a way that does not place this person on a god-like plain. So sharing positive and sometimes negative aspects is a good balance.

5. It's important not to speak at great length. Make sure to check and see if there is a time limit that you are expected to make your remembrance speech. Be mindful and respectful of that timeframe when formulated your presentation. Keep in mind that some formal funerals may have guidelines on the designated time each item in the order of service is done.

6. Keep in mind to give needed support to the surviving family members. Giving a remembrance is often for the family. Your remarks should directly or indirectly give comfort to the family or those who are grieving and not draw an undue amount of attention to yourself.

7. Be yourself. You want to make sure you communicate in your own style and not try to imitate someone else or someone your not. Be genuine and speak as if you are speaking one on one to a friend. Let your personality shine through.

8. It's best to have someone you respect read over or critique your presentation.  It can be a friend or another family member that you respect, so you can have a second opinion.

9. Your presence and connection with those who are grieving and the surviving family members is important. So you may want to acknowledge within your speech or afterwards.

10. It's okay to cry or show emotion. Don't feel like showing any emotion for the loss is beyond you, being emotional often helps your connection with the guests and family. As long as you are able to gain your composure and continue your entire remembrance, it is appropriate.